Honesty in Uncertainty

Full disclosure: This is the third or fourth topic I have tried to write on. I have been attempting to write about things such as the kind of community God calls us to live in, or about the rest that can be found in solitude. Though these topics are important, they have each lost their momentum halfway through because I find myself so deeply distracted due to all that is going on in the world. I find myself wondering where God is in this global pandemic and in this nationwide reckoning with race.

I know God is good, and I have seen Him show up in my life when I have needed Him the most. Unfortunately, sometimes I get stuck in one way of spending time with God and things can get messy when that way is no longer an option. In the messiness, I find myself asking where God is and if He knows anything about His people or the world we live in.

To give this more context, I have been blessed with the most wonderful friends and have developed beautiful relationships by being in a community with them at Berry. Through them, I have seen God moving and working. I have seen them grow to exhibit the fruits of the spirit, and I am constantly inspired by that. Being surrounded by these friends has given me such an easy way to see and experience God’s love.

After spring break when I could no longer be with the same community that helped show me God’s love, I started to lose sight of it. I asked myself if God was still working in the world, and if He still loved me. And if so, why couldn’t I see that? If I had been paying attention, I would have been able to see God’s love through the beauty of His creation, through the restful season He had blessed me with, or through the other relationships He had placed in my life. I could not see these things because I had previously been so fixated on seeing His love in one specific way that I was completely ignoring all of the other new and beautiful ways God had been making Himself known to me. 

Needless to say, I got deep into a spiritual slump that I am still trying to get out of. I felt extremely unmotivated to dive into scripture when it did not feel relevant, and when I was unsure as to where God was. In this doubt and confusion, I put so much distance between myself and God.

In my current situation, I am realizing that distance from God is not what will bring me comfort in a world full of chaos. My thoughts have reminded me of a song that I would hear in church when I was younger, and it’s lyrics have become my prayer in this season of uncertainty and doubt. 

The song says: “The more I seek you, the more I find you. The more I find you, the more I love you”. 

These lyrics have helped me to realize that when I am actively pursuing and looking for Christ working in the world, I find room in my heart to love Him more. When I do this, I am then able to let that love then be poured out into others. As Christians, we are called to Love God, and to love our neighbor (Mark 12:30-31). I am finding that learning how to seek and desire God – even when I am surrounded by uncertainty- allows me to be a better representation of his loving-kindness to my neighbors. Desiring a relationship with God allows me to thoughtfully, and prayerfully discern how to have productive and honest conversations.

My prayer for myself and anyone who is going through a season of uncertainty and confusion is that we would push through the darkness that sometimes feels overwhelming in order to find rest in the arms of a God who is greater than the chaos that surrounds us. 

Romans 15:13 says “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”. Drawing near to God and finding ways to see him, and seek him has the power to bring the gift of peace that surpasses all understanding.

Faith Cox is a rising Junior English and secondary education major from Dalton, GA. She is a Gate scholar and teaches classes through Berry’s ESL program. Faith loves traveling, reading, running, and hanging out with friends on Berry’s beautiful campus. After Berry, Faith plans to pursue a career in education. 

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